All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
