I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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