He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
