Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
