i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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