She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
