Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He better not be in your backpack
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
