i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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