so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
