please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
