Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
