so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
