I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
