Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
