dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
