When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
