I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I could make wine with my vomit
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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