I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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