Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
