I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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