epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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