I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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