I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
