FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just cropdusted the office
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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