New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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