I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
