If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
