she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
