When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize