he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
bring money and cleavage
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
