Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
