1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
