Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
