so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
