Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
