i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
