Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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