when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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