but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
