I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
