so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
