I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you would pick up someone in the library
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
