Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
