Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My liver just broke up with me...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
