If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
