Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
