he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
