I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
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