it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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