i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
