bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I need a burrito and a hug.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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