put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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