Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
