I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
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thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
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He better not be in your backpack
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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