There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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