no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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