I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
