Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
do herpes really smell.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
