Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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