Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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