Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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