you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
