My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
