Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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