I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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