i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
